North of Polaris

shared: 7/9/2026
under: just chatting

oof agh ow my brain

Hey, it's been a hot minute. I have been, how to say, going through it. My weeks have been filled with various therapy appointments, journaling, and reading. When I haven't been doing those adrenaline-filled activities, I've been spending my time reviewing my language lessons. I'm currently focusing on relearning Japanese and Spanish, as I feel as though these are the languages I encounter the most in my life. I'm watching magical girl animes to help with my listening comprehension - given that these shows are, for the most part, written for younger audiences and that seems to be right about where I'm at in fluency ;-;.

There has been a strange sense of melancholy that I have been filled with not just lately, but for a good while. Maybe this is that June Gloom that everyone is going on about. I think at this small moment in my life I am just trying to feel like a person again. So, I have picked up reading again, which seems like a much better use of my time than endlessly scrolling. I have also attempted to rewrite an outline for a book that I've left on the backburner for the better part of half a decade. I've watched movies that have been on my watchlist forever. I've began a penpalship with two of my cousins. I've restarted upkeep of this website.

I'm not sure what the endgoal I desire is. Most vaguely, I just want to feel normal. I hope all the poking and prodding at my brain and memories will achieve this. I'm sure the added variety of hobbies couldn't possibly hurt.

I don't know if I'll return to school this fall. The best decision seems to be trying to reach at least some modicum of normalcy before I begin my studies again. Most of my problems thus far have seemed to be because I kept putting my mental health on the backburner, so the answer should not fall too short of doing the...opposite of that.

My bank account has had a decent chunk taken out of it to fund a few new hopeful hobbies. I purchased an old film camera and camcorder off of Ebay. I promise this wasn't a rash decision. I'd been thinking about these purchases for a while, and while I initially held high hopes for what I would accomplish with my new equipment, I honestly just hope I have fun exploring these mediums. There are a few shitty snaps on my beginning reel. I hope they turned out blurry and overexposed.

Back to the website, there are a few things I want to implement soon. You may have, uh, noticed a ravishing placeholder on the main page. I intend to replace him (sadly, I know) with a chatbox. I think it would be fun to have visitors leave little notes or even have mini conversations with each other, should they be visiting at the same time. I also plan to change the 'Hobbies' tab into a 'Bedroom' tab. I think it would be cute to recreate a little room that you could click around to find different hobby collections. Eventually, I would like to connect my storygraph to the currently reading section, so that my books will be automatically updated. This will probably take more time to figure out than my other plans, although, who knows? I do have nothing but time right now.

Anyways, that's about all I have to update on. I have a few travel plans, but I'll wait until they actually happen to talk about 'em. Thanks for reading, you can send me any suggestions (general desires, QoL updates, etc.) at northofpolaris at proton dot me.

gootbye for meow,

v ⋆｡°✩